Reflections...
About six months ago, I posted a noted section in facebook. I had totally forgotten about this until I rediscovered it today. It is always interesting to me to reflect on things I wrote in the past and think about how things were then, to how my thoughts compare now...So, the regular color font is the old notes post...The colored font is the new thoughts on the older thoughts.
1. You can never really go back...but why would you want to anyway...What the Lord has laid before me is so awesome! I still would not change my life. I do think now I would probably apologize to some I think I may have hurt along the path. I wonder at times if these people know I never meant them any foul and that they were cared about, still are. These are the ones that helped to mold the person I became and am still becoming.
2. I serve an awesome Lord and Savior. My Savior died for me, set me free, claims me, loves me, encircles me, guides me, provides for me, protects me...Did I mention God was awesome? This has not changed. Jehovah is awesome. I love being in His presence and being in His family.
3. On Wednesday, the child learned a valuable Asperger lesson...what I will probably deem a good life lesson - Never, Never, Never ask a woman when she is due or comment on her "pregnancy" when you are not ABSOLUTELY sure if she is pregnant or not. I remember this day. It was when we were leaving therapy for the child and he mentioned how he thought the lady who worked at the therapy office was pregnant. He still has these moments. Although, I am beginning to think MANY people have Asperger moments.
4. Upon reflection of the above when discussing it with Jody and Leisha, Jody noted it could be a good life lesson for many, not just an Aspie lesson. This still has not changed. Love these friends. :)
5. There really are many many stupid questions in this world. Oh, yes...there are still many, many stupid questions people can ask daily.
6. Why on Earth would anyone think for one moment that I am dim-witted enough to believe someone has no computer access to submit an assignment on time, when the same person is taking a class online, has emailed me two or three times that week, and was able to complete discussion forums on time? On this I refuse to even pass comment at this time.
7. When the Rapture occurs, whether in the next few minutes or hours, or in the next few years of decades or centuries, I know where I am going...so it does not matter. If I see you there and you are coming too... I am glad I know you, as you will be my neighbor. See numbers 1 and 2...and this remains the same. I know where I am going. Do you?
8. Rambling thoughts are great to relieve mind energy so one might can sleep soundly. Yes, my mind rambles A LOT!!
9. I love being a mom to the two greatest children the Lord could have entrusted to me....y'all are the bombs. Yep, I love my kids! They are still so incredibly awesome and I am so blessed to have been able to share in their lives.
10. Eating food you grew yourself is so cool, even if the only thing we have managed to harvest yet is spinach...which we ate for two of the last three nights. We still grow spinach...and lettuce, and tomatos, and heirloom carrots, and...and our chickens give us 'yeggs' everyday!! Life provided by the Father above is grand.
11. Someone who was once very special to my heart was lost to me about 20 years ago, through no choice of my or his own. He has been found and I get to share a special moment in his life this weekend. That is rare. This was in reference to my brother...who, I am not sure still even knows I really exists. It is easier to make conversation with his new bride, than it is him. I am not sure if I am socially defunct when it comes to conversing with him, or if he is this when it comes to speaking to me. He really does have a place in my heart, though I don't think he knows. Perhaps, he does not really care? I really did not choose to not have a place in his life, but to preserve my life, I had to separate. Seeing him reminds me of years of hurt and abuse, which he (to my knowledge) never knew or had to endure. I see the image of another in him and it is hard to look at him. Although, I know he is not guilty of any of the above crimes. Protecting ones children and one's life is self-preservation. It was/is important and I would not be here today without this and the Lord...But, where does one go from there?
12. Friends are special, family is great, and God is awesome. This remains a constant.
13. It might have taken me over two hours to get home in the what should have been a 20 minute commute today, but I arrived to my destination safely and know I am blessed. I remember this day, vividly. There are 11 miles between the work location and my house. There were two wrecks on the interstate that afternoon between work and my house. The interstate was closed in both directions. Traffic was backed up on all the main and back interior roads that others had to take with the interstate closing. There were four wrecks on the way home, blocking most ways home...I came home to a house, a child, a puppy happy to see me. I had food in the refrigerator, a bed to sleep in, and a garage to park in...my life is blessed and good. My God is awesome.
14. My child's team goes to the playoffs next week...yeah!! My child is playing baseball this fall, though on a practice team. We did not do travel ball. Life is much less stressful.
15. The child gets awards for honor roll grades all year next week and the eldst child has finally landed in a permanent spot recently that does not involve someone else's floor. :) The eldest child is still in his own home, which makes me very happy...He chose not to come home last year when he became homeless. This is hard for a parent. But, he is the legal age to be an adult and therefore, he is old enough to make independent decisions. He will always be my child, no matter how old he becomes. I love him and want him to be safe and warm at night. And, I still want to know where he is...I do not like that he had to struggle to find a place to sleep, but part of this was his choice. He has a roof now and four walls to contain him and his stuff. The Lord protected him and stills keeps a hedge around him. The youngest ended the year on honor roll last year and had almost all As, ending the year with like one B. He joined Beta Club, etc. Now he is homeschooled. I love teaching my child.
16. God can fix this. God can fix that, too! God can fix anything! At least, my God can!!!
17. Life is a luxury not afforded to some, live it wisely. Amen! Selah!
3. On Wednesday, the child learned a valuable Asperger lesson...what I will probably deem a good life lesson - Never, Never, Never ask a woman when she is due or comment on her "pregnancy" when you are not ABSOLUTELY sure if she is pregnant or not. I remember this day. It was when we were leaving therapy for the child and he mentioned how he thought the lady who worked at the therapy office was pregnant. He still has these moments. Although, I am beginning to think MANY people have Asperger moments.
4. Upon reflection of the above when discussing it with Jody and Leisha, Jody noted it could be a good life lesson for many, not just an Aspie lesson. This still has not changed. Love these friends. :)
5. There really are many many stupid questions in this world. Oh, yes...there are still many, many stupid questions people can ask daily.
6. Why on Earth would anyone think for one moment that I am dim-witted enough to believe someone has no computer access to submit an assignment on time, when the same person is taking a class online, has emailed me two or three times that week, and was able to complete discussion forums on time? On this I refuse to even pass comment at this time.
7. When the Rapture occurs, whether in the next few minutes or hours, or in the next few years of decades or centuries, I know where I am going...so it does not matter. If I see you there and you are coming too... I am glad I know you, as you will be my neighbor. See numbers 1 and 2...and this remains the same. I know where I am going. Do you?
8. Rambling thoughts are great to relieve mind energy so one might can sleep soundly. Yes, my mind rambles A LOT!!
9. I love being a mom to the two greatest children the Lord could have entrusted to me....y'all are the bombs. Yep, I love my kids! They are still so incredibly awesome and I am so blessed to have been able to share in their lives.
10. Eating food you grew yourself is so cool, even if the only thing we have managed to harvest yet is spinach...which we ate for two of the last three nights. We still grow spinach...and lettuce, and tomatos, and heirloom carrots, and...and our chickens give us 'yeggs' everyday!! Life provided by the Father above is grand.
11. Someone who was once very special to my heart was lost to me about 20 years ago, through no choice of my or his own. He has been found and I get to share a special moment in his life this weekend. That is rare. This was in reference to my brother...who, I am not sure still even knows I really exists. It is easier to make conversation with his new bride, than it is him. I am not sure if I am socially defunct when it comes to conversing with him, or if he is this when it comes to speaking to me. He really does have a place in my heart, though I don't think he knows. Perhaps, he does not really care? I really did not choose to not have a place in his life, but to preserve my life, I had to separate. Seeing him reminds me of years of hurt and abuse, which he (to my knowledge) never knew or had to endure. I see the image of another in him and it is hard to look at him. Although, I know he is not guilty of any of the above crimes. Protecting ones children and one's life is self-preservation. It was/is important and I would not be here today without this and the Lord...But, where does one go from there?
12. Friends are special, family is great, and God is awesome. This remains a constant.
13. It might have taken me over two hours to get home in the what should have been a 20 minute commute today, but I arrived to my destination safely and know I am blessed. I remember this day, vividly. There are 11 miles between the work location and my house. There were two wrecks on the interstate that afternoon between work and my house. The interstate was closed in both directions. Traffic was backed up on all the main and back interior roads that others had to take with the interstate closing. There were four wrecks on the way home, blocking most ways home...I came home to a house, a child, a puppy happy to see me. I had food in the refrigerator, a bed to sleep in, and a garage to park in...my life is blessed and good. My God is awesome.
14. My child's team goes to the playoffs next week...yeah!! My child is playing baseball this fall, though on a practice team. We did not do travel ball. Life is much less stressful.
15. The child gets awards for honor roll grades all year next week and the eldst child has finally landed in a permanent spot recently that does not involve someone else's floor. :) The eldest child is still in his own home, which makes me very happy...He chose not to come home last year when he became homeless. This is hard for a parent. But, he is the legal age to be an adult and therefore, he is old enough to make independent decisions. He will always be my child, no matter how old he becomes. I love him and want him to be safe and warm at night. And, I still want to know where he is...I do not like that he had to struggle to find a place to sleep, but part of this was his choice. He has a roof now and four walls to contain him and his stuff. The Lord protected him and stills keeps a hedge around him. The youngest ended the year on honor roll last year and had almost all As, ending the year with like one B. He joined Beta Club, etc. Now he is homeschooled. I love teaching my child.
16. God can fix this. God can fix that, too! God can fix anything! At least, my God can!!!
17. Life is a luxury not afforded to some, live it wisely. Amen! Selah!
Comments
Post a Comment