perceptual difficulties...

And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?

                                                                  -Matthew 7:3 (KJV)
I know we all perceive things differently than others at time. I may have to check the the mirror in a bit for my eye splinters...or my beam...I am not unaware of this.

I won't comment on the whole back story here...it is too long and would need its own blog.

I am bewildered...angry...emotions stir up from inside that I struggle with daily to overcome and move forward away from...Jesus leads my hand to be a better person and to let go and walk away. There are physical reminders everywhere. They taunt me...dangle in front of me...wanting to remind me of what was, of how what was shaped so much of what could have been, daring to try to make me believe it can shape my future as well.

I saw the reminder weeks or months ago. I immediately felt the thought creep forward of how evil the human was. I immediately felt the human had no merit in being honored. I remembered how horrible the human was. I felt the pain the human inflicted. I was back at day 1. It occurs again and again and I have to forgive the human and move forward to the arms of my waiting Father.

Today, another reminder has been placed in my path. I feel the evil of the human that was. I feel the comment form on my tongue, escaping my lips before I can stop it...I know this is not of the Lord. Again, I sit here waiting for His arms to fold around me and lift me from the memory of the evil the human inflicted.

I will give satan no authority in this.

I know the individual who placed the reminder in my path did not realize the action would take such a place in the path, acting as a stumbler. My flesh wants to stomp the stumbler into shreds. My flesh wants to obliterate the stumbler into dust...make it a mere memory...but, yet the human shaped so much. The human helped to develop how I interact, how I focus on others...I have to leave these chapters to the Lord...to allow Him to be my author...to move in Spirit and not in the flesh.

So, this person placed the reminder, unbeknown to the person, in my path...This person perceives the human to have been a "sweet" human. How can the person not know the evil the human inflicted? How can the person not know the depth of pain the human caused? How can the person think the human was "sweet"?  Is the person confused? Was the person never shone the human's real personality? Why were some never exposed? How can some have been so completely fooled? Why was I left to suffer and have pain inflicted, while others stood by - seemingly perhaps never knowing perhaps what really occurred?

Or, did the person really not know? Did the person really not see? Was the person blind? Did the human only perform acts of evil upon certain select individuals?

Or, is the perception of the person skewed? Was the human so incredibly shrewd to be able to be something different to others to change their perception of the human to make the other people see only what the human wanted others to see? I have always thought of the human as clever, incredibly smart, intelligent, shrewd...deceptive and evil.

I have to leave these chapters to the Lord...to allow Him to be my author...to move in Spirit and not in the flesh.